Here they are...

So it's been another month of shots and misery, hopefully this time it'll be worth it.

Before they transfer the embryos back inside, they show them to you on a screen and take a picture for you. This is a picture of what the two embryos they transferred to me yesterday looked like.

Hopefully today they're bigger and multiplying and will implant.

Public speaking fear

I'll admit it now, writing this blog is part of me procrastinating writing the talk that I'm supposed to be giving in church tomorrow. Even though there's quite a bit of snow that is scheduled to fall tonight in a big Nor'Easter, I just know, like any other time when I was in school - if I don't do my homework, the snow won't come and I'll be even worse off than I was the day before.

At least part of the procrastination, besides not liking to write my own talks, is that I just hate speaking in public. I'm not one of those people that when in front of a group of people are reduced to a gibbering idiot, but I come close. No matter how well practiced I am, I always get up to the podium, see all those people looking at me, and then my brain kicks into warp-speed gear. I talk so fast no one can understand what I'm saying, and even if by some manifestation of nerves I can slow down my speed of talking, my mind has gone totally blank and I'm forced to read off the paper in front of me, hoping no one notices that I'm totally reading it, instead of speaking to them.

I hope it snows.

Edited: So, it appears all my preparations worked - church has already been called off! While I will miss taking the sacrament and seeing everyone, I wasn't looking forward to church tomorrow. I hadn't done a very good job of planning singing time, not to mention primary would have been fairly miserable due to my bruises and their apparent energy sapping powers. (long story short - don't try to carelessly run down a hardwood staircase wearing only socks on your feet. You're lucky if you just get bruises and don't break anything - fortunately I was lucky.)

Why the name Jaimilyn?

Ok, I might as well get this question answered for good, since I get asked it all the time. "Where did you get the name 'Jaimilyn' from?"

I came up with this nickname way back when I was in college. About 10 years ago I think.

I was dating this guy named James. He lived at home with all but one of his other siblings. All of the children in the family except for the oldest had names that started with the letter "J". Somewhere i wrote in my journal all the kids' names because it was so fascinating to me - and they came up with some that I'd never heard before. Janessa and Jannalyn are two that I can remember.

One time he and I were joking around that if we were to get married, I'd need to get a new name, since his oldest brother was married to an Amy already, and besides I needed a J name to fit in with the rest of the clan. Later that day or week I was really really bored at work and decided to figure out a J name for myself.

Long story short, I mushed my first and middle names together (Amy Lynn), added a J to the beginning and tweaked the spelling in the middle. That was about the same time as I discovered the internet, and so I used it for a few screen names and pretty much use it as my online identity.

I suppose the funny part about it is I've kept the nickname far longer than I ever kept the boyfriend!

As a kid I always was sick of the name Amy and wanted to go by a different name, because there were so many other girls with my same name around. There were five Amys in one of my classes in Middle School. So, online where I get to pick my own name, I like to use the one I made up for myself since it's so unique, and my real name is anything but.

*PS I did not discover the Utah Baby Namer until months after I'd come up with the name. Although I just checked and the exact spelling is still not up there, although there are some similar ones.

TMI?

So, the job I'm currently doing ends on Friday, I'm running out of time to do all the things I need, and am stressed about that. And since the job I'm leaving is being an admin for a high power, well known business mogul, I'll never actually be done with the job, and anything I leave undone will look bad and will be the last things he remembers about me.

My new job starts Monday and is way down at the bottom of the corporate ladder. I've decided that I can't handle being an admininstrative assistant anymore, so I am going to start a new career. It's going to be somewhat sales related, which is scary for me because I don't see myself as a good salesperson, and am not nearly pushy enough. However, I'm going to try and do my best, but what if my best just isn't good enough?

Also, we've also started fertility treatments again this month, and already the medicine they have me take to stimulate my ovaries appears to be overdoing itself. I am dying to hear back from the nurses about the test results. And then there's the pain of the procedure. Since Sunday I've had four shots, two blood draws and two ultrasounds. Not to mention the constant aching of my ovaries because they're already overloaded. And aren't going to be any better for about a week, probably.

And speaking of that week, as timing has it, I will probably have to miss a day of my first week of my new job to do the treatment. Haven't told my new boss yet, because I don't have any clue what day it will be. Hopefully when the doctor calls me today, I'll get a better idea.

Not to mention all the shifting in weather plus stress makes my fibromyalgia act up, so my right shoulder is painful, and there's shooting pain down my right arm most of the time. But no matter the pain, I'm still having to clean out and arrange all my boss's files - and this has been over 10 big file cabinets plus two cubicles worth of stuff that I've been dealing with.

So, I'm scared my new boss will be mad at me for taking a day off during my first week, I'm terrified I won't do well at my new job and no one will like me. And I'm exhausted and hurting from the weather and infertility drugs. And I'm afraid that we'll have to do a rush IVF treatment this month like we did last time, instead of the IUI like we've been planning because my body is weird and over reacts to the medicine they give me. And I'm afraid that it will REALLY over react this time and I'll end up in the hospital or something. I guess it's a good thing that we don't have to have sex this month to try and conceive.

Oh, add to all of this that my husband will be out of town for most of the forseeable future, so all of this stress, I get to deal with mostly on my own, because even when he's home, I'm still a widow to his $#(*&#$&*( video game.

I think I need to do some filing to settle my nerves, suddenly my lunch hour has become more stressful than normal.

Actually, maybe that's why I don't talk about this kind of stuff very much with people. 1. they'll get sick very quickly of hearing how I feel, 2. It makes me tired to tell this kind of thing to people.

Utah sign

Funny sign!















Ok, I found out it came from churchsigngenerator.com (could probably tell if I'd looked at the sign just a little closer *sigh*) It's a fun site to play with, though!